Sunday, 12 August 2012


I'm hopeless at games. The only time I remember winning a board game was back in 2005 when by some fluke I won a game of Monopoly. Unfortunately that is probably the least preferred game to win if by aspiring to win you were hoping to gain some shred of credibility. I think I take it too seriously. Alas I lack the mindset to rise above the onslaught of critters that thwart my plans. I'm thoughtful and clever, but not particularly cunning. Part of me wishes that I had a degree in cunningness. If a course in cunningness does not yet exist, someone should invent it. Or maybe there should be a school of cunningness where pupils are taught to fend themselves from bad advice and false friends. Instead of reporting bullies to the head, a personal advisor would appear donning a catapult. They'd then show you to the best vantage perch, and tell you to give it your best shot. The only advantage there is to being a miserable loser is that after a while you are desensitised. Your enemies will be astounded at your resilience and bloody mindedness in the face of danger. What they fail to recognise is that rather than it representing a highly skilled and shrewd player, it merely means that you're just an average player who isn't that bothered about winning. What does a few more coins or glory mean to someone who started with nothing? Very little. Indeed, the pleasant thing about it is that us poor losers are able to recognise that nasty greed streak that lies in the depths of everyone like a coiled snake, before it gets too boisterous. It creeps up on you. You're happily floating along, occasionally managing to just clamber out of last position by the skin of your teeth, and suddenly this horrible urge takes hold. You MUST get that coin. You MUST gain an extra plot of land on the field. And you think, 'What?' Because that wasn't you a minute ago. Just before you didn't even care. And there's that real divisive moment of, should I let rip and just be the most selfish, horrid, miserly bitch that I can, or do I let it pass?

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