Kurt Atterberg Piano Concerto

Sanctioning a population (or a grouping therein) for committing mass murder is one thing. Doing so whilst aiming a missile their way is another. The atrocities taking place in Damascus don't bare mentioning. Suffice to say the web is currently brimming with graphic images. I don't condone violence. I am a peaceful person and like many, being confronted with these images is upsetting to say the least. However, when I read about the U.S. planned retaliation -- firing missiles at specified targets so that they can 'get the message across' -- I nearly laughed. What message? The one to indicate who has the biggest dick in a cross- continent wrestling match? What? What do they hope to achieve? No one; not the civilians; not the military (except maybe through some kind of inbuilt sick joy at getting to play with 'big toys'?); not the banks; and not even the politicians making these horrendous decisions will benefit. It will cause a war. Another pointless, resource depleting war. Devastating for everyone. The only good thing I can find to say about this situation is that I no longer feel guilty about having bought new shoes when my old pair fell to bits. I waste hours in a permanent state of anxiety at the fear of overspending by one or two pence. Meanwhile the government is busy spending millions on drones and killing machines. Where's that sterling come from? Partly taxpayers. Partly borrowed zeroes added to infinitesimal debt. I just don't understand the mentality. It's starting to piss me off. Sleazy oil companies and pharmaceutical monopolies quietly licking each other's bum holes in an interminable chain of command. And yet when you get to the end of that long line; step behind the smoke screen -- it's just some guy. Okay he wears a suit. Maybe he attends the odd secret conference that decides our futures. It's still just a guy. He still uses the toilet. I bet sometimes, just sometimes, he thinks of what he's done and feels afraid. Then he shrugs it off and carries on. Maybe he's tired with the world so he has to buy another 4X4 just so his wife turns a blind eye to those hookers he hired. Maybe he has to start a war so we forget the lies that were already there. He's still just a man. Nobody made him the centre of the universe.

Public Service Broadcast

Sobering: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0gh3JrdL-Zg&feature=player_embedded *Happy news bulletin: Today whilst sitting in morning sunshine, arduous reading of a long, depressing book about WWII was brought to a halt when two peacock butterflies landed on the page I was on. They were exploiting the flat surface for cleaning of antennae and proboscis. Subsequent 10 minutes was spent in contemplative wonder of their beautiful colourings. Yey :D

Zapp 4

1) I feel reasonably well. I've been eating loads and dare I say it my ghoulish appearance is gradually being replaced by a modest collection of freckles and sunshine. There was one day about a month ago when I cried. It was sparked off by an email from a friend, although on reflection there was nothing unkind or malicious in the words written. It seemed to trigger a response to something else deep within. It was like having a mirror held up to my own hypocrisy. My failure to challenge the things that I hate. The admissions that I will one day become those things. I've been bitten by corporatocracy. It's too late. 2) "You either pay the farmers or pay the hospital" -- kid of 11 gives pretty accurate depiction of the food system http://www.ted.com/talks/birke_baehr_what_s_wrong_with_our_food_system.html

Duke Ellington

1) A few weeks back a blackbird went nuts while I was out in the garden contemplating my handiwork. It was perched on the veg trellis and making a racket. It didn’t budge even when I came up close. I assumed it was annoyed at my presence and wanted to eat my produce (although their taste for runner beans was news to me). I was on my guard and ready to shoo it off. Ten minutes later I overheard mutterings that next door’s cat had just found its way into a blackbird nest and tortured/ate whole one of the chicks there residing. Said loquacious feathered creature wasn't pinching beans. It was communicating sadness at the loss of its baby – all to no avail because of my ignorance of bird-ish. This was confirmed by a bird of brown plumage (mum?) sitting nearby on top of the wheelie bin and looking very much aggrieved. The protest made by (dad) blackbird was not the sound of a thief. It was the noise of mourning. I'm humbled. 2) Sitting on back doorstep listening to Duke Ellington. With wine. 3) Nobody’s perfect.

Black Sabbath 13

GO OZZY!

Glazunov Saxophone Concerto

Playing chess against the computer is like having a conversation with yourself. And losing.

Meic Stevens - Ghost Town

When I was thirteen I got up in front of school and performed a solo violin piece. It was a really obscure choice. I remember the music teacher's look of deep concern. As if up till that point I had possessed a certain degree of respect, and was about to put it in the shredder. I did it anyway. The applause at the end was forthcoming, but uncertain. Like the old Hawkwind song "we took the wrong step years ago.." I feel that this was the first of just many stupid ideas. But then social conformity was always elusive to me. Like that sad realisation that being counted as 'gifted and talented' in school is not a blessing. It is in fact an early signpost to a lifetime of feeling lost and confused in a world where anyone who is even slightly different will be stigmatised. "Sometimes it's better to conform." A friend said this to me recently. She has a point. Sometimes we have to sacrifice ourselves to the flow even though on reflection it isn't what we'd decide given time. I don't know whether at school I was deliberately obtuse or whether it really was impossible to fit in. A bit of both maybe. I used to get called lezza because of my clunky boots. That wasn't deliberate -- I couldn't afford better boots. Interestingly the jeering subsided almost to nothing when I invested in a pair of mainstream branded trainers; which shows you how cheap the elites of conformity are. If I went to school now I'd be classed as autistic. I read somewhere that some people with autism display difficulty in following rules and aligning themselves socially. Is it progress to find new labels for people who think differently? Or just another way of controlling unruly children who happen to have a mind of their own? Whenever you read studies on Autism there seems to be some sort of grey area in between arguments that Autism/EBD is an illness and that it is a brain type. That's a big difference. One wants to treat the 'sick' child who is being afflicted by bad thoughts. The other embraces the child as a victim in a system in which their intelligence and way of thinking are unlikely to ever be accepted.